Broken Down Telephone Anaconda Tour - ft. Bev Burger!

Dad, Bev, and I setting off.

One of the things I love most about living on a sailboat and traveling is the opportunity to experience life with other people. Whether the person is a local, a fellow boater, a backpacker, or just my own sister (wink, wink), it's amazing to share the same moment, but come away with different memories. Swapping stories and seeing things from a different perspective just makes life that much more special (and hilarious!) 

One of the incredible
San Juan trees we saw
on our jungle hike.

The "Broken Down Telephone Anaconda Tour", below, written by my sister Beverly, is an excellent example of the humorous results that come from different perspectives! My sister Bev came to stay onboard Jasamine for a fun-filled, two-month visit while we traveled through the Belize Barrier Reef, Dangriga, Placencia, and finally into Guatemala's Rio Dulce. One day, while cruising up the Rio, we decided to go on a walk through the jungle. Afterwards, back aboard Jasamine, Bev promptly pulled out her Mac and churned out this hysterical account of our adventure! Enjoy!

Bev and Dad in front
of some GIANT bamboo!

"  As we toured the Rio Dulce river in Guatemala we decided to detour and take a light jungle hike just off the manatee reserve (of which we saw exactly zero manatees, by-the-way)... Ian, Tammy and I decided to go ashore and, as expected, we are greeted by some excited Guatemalans who were available and willing to give us a guided tour through the jungle. They asked if we spoke Spanish, and naturally we shoved Tammy into the guide’s face – and said “yes” with only a minor amount of hesitation on our part. Off we go.

Our fearless guide Gerardo
clearing the jungle path.

Our young guide, Gerardo, with a mouthful of gold, led up the tour, with Tammy, our interpreter, behind him, followed by Ian and Bev leading up the rear. As Gerardo guided us through the jungle, Tammy attempted to interpret the Spanish to Ian and Ian, in-turn, relayed the information to me. (I should give a little detail here…Ian is a “wee bit” hard of hearing on a good day…and today he had an ear infection, so one ear was filled with a cotton ball. Now a normal person would only be down to 50% hearing, but in Ian’s case, this took him down to a solid 12%.) As we started out on the tour, I said out-loud, “I wonder if we will see some monkeys on this tour”…Ian’s response “oh if you do, you’ll feel them first, cause they’ll fling poo at you”…with a roll of my eyes, we set off…
Here is how is how I received the guided information:

Water cistern or Anaconda Rum?

Tammy: Pointing to a concrete enclosure; “This is a tortoise enclosure, but there are none in there right now.”

Ian: “Watch out for Anacondas, that’s where they live.” 

Seeing a well in the jungle, Ian points to me and says “Rum distillery” – apparently this is for the drunk Anacondas.

We see a tree with mushrooms growing up the side of it…forming a natural step-ladder, Ian: “See the step-ladder that people made to climb the tree?” – probably to get away from the Anacondas…

Beware the Anaconda eggs!

I noticed some large round nuts on the ground and thought out loud if they were edible; Ian: “Oh those are Anaconda eggs. You shouldn’t eat them, because they could hatch inside your belly and you’d grow an Anaconda.” (Yeah, that seems legit.)

Dad, Bev, and Gerardo.
Gerardo never did figure out
why the two "gringos" in the
back kept cracking up...

Upon seeing another set of mushrooms on the ground Ian bends over and starts to caress them with that “I wonder what they taste like” look in his eyes, I say “I don’t think you can eat them”…Ian’s response “Why? The Chinese eat them”…..HUH!?

As we end our tour, the guide points out a plant that the Toucans like to eat and Ian did a good job of translating that, but followed it up with “You don’t need to eat it, your beak is big enough”….sigh.

The moral of this tale? Don’t walk behind Ian on a guided tour…your jungle experience will be a confusing one.  "